Well, as of May 5th,2012, I officially became a college graduate. I began college back in August of 2006, moving down to the local dorms by myself, to a town where I knew nobody, and had to start my adult life. I will say that those first couple weeks were as terrifying as they were exciting- having no parents or teachers to tell you where to be, what to do, how to do it; there were also no parents or teachers there to help guide you, teach you, protect you from the inevitable stupid things you are going to do. My best friend and cousin showed up for the first full week of classes and would be my strongest friend through my freshmen year.
My freshman year-
What to say about all I have learned from it. It was a shell-shock experience, going from suburban highschooler to ramen starved, dorm-living college freshman. My first year taught me more than any other year up to that point in my life in every area I can think of. To begin, there was academics-I mostly took generals that year in the fact that shortly after arriving at college I wasn't sure that pre-med would be what I would want to graduate with. College classes were far different from what you get in highschool. To put it bluntly-most professors don't give a damn about who you are or what you're after, if you are enlisted in a gen-ed class, they look at you as one of the 75% of people who drop out of college. For good reasons too- I learned that most people lack the integrity to last all the way through college. I had so many friends that first year- all the guys I lived in the dorms with, the people my cousin lived with in the dorms, my band mates, and other music class takers; unfortunately after the end of the year, I had a couple sax friends, a couple music friends, and only 3 of my old dormies-out of dozens of people, only about a dozen stayed. And that was my humanities lesson- most people can't think for themselves, let alone keep themselves motivated amid absolute change. Not that I can hold it against them, they are the average person.
The next lesson I learned that year was that we can't always control our emotions, but we can choose how we act in regards to those emotions. I had fallen for the wrong girl, and had dated about a dozen others. I consider this to be rather impressive given the fact that I was a college freshmen who was only making minimum wage, and hard press for time. I learned though, that pain can be unbearable, but you get over it. There are also friends that you will want to keep forever, but you may not be able to. I miss the people and the groups of friends I was a part of that year, and I honestly believed they would be my friends forever. Even the ones that stuck around would leave on the occassion, but such is life.
The summer after my freshman year, all of us moved to different places-most of us back to our homes for the summer, some to apartments, and some just hung around the dorms. My cousin and I decided to move in together in an apartment. Unfortunately for me, my cousin bailed after the first week, and I spent my sophomore year living by myself unable to fill the contract.
Sophomore year-
I learned that anyone can stab you in the back. Whether they do it intentionally, maliciously, out of cowardice, or whatever, the results are the same. The largest lesson I learned my sophomore year was how to forgive, and that to forgive doesn't mean you have to trust or care again, just that you understand and allow that person to know you understand.
The school year was odd-I took a lot of classes that revolved around Eastern philosophies and sociologies, and saw very little of anyone. I had one person stay in contact with me and stay my friend, and that was my old RA from my freshman year. This wasn't the best of friends because he was a pathological liar, and usually weighed people by their usefulness, not the best kind of friend to have. So from school, I learned how to tolerate myself and others, and how to breath.
From home, all my money was pooled into rent and electricity. I usually was lucky to have 20$ for food, so I learned how to eat to survive-PB&J's, Ramen, and non-perishables you can mass. From all of this I learned I can survive just about damn near anything, and that rapid weight loss also causes your hair to fall out. As soon as my contract was up, I up and got the hell out of that place.
Junior year-
My old dormies discovered I still lived in town, and they were excited because they needed a fourth roommate for the apartment they were going to rent out. I of course accepted and moved in with them. My junior year was the year I consider to be the most "college-esque" in my 6 years. I had great friends, a community-style apartment, and plenty of adventures. I also discovered my college sweet-heart here, and a lot of drama too.
In academia, I began the end of my Zoology degree, and the start of my Music degree-quite the change. I learned a lot about what makes life, and what it takes to live life. From chemistry and anatomy, to listening and creating music. I had much to contemplate from my sophomore year philisophically, and was able to discover my personal beliefs on life, which is remarkable to think about.
My grandmother also passed this year. I was close to her, and she was a profound influence on my life. She was a piano instructor, and was my first inspirations to music. I miss her everyday.
However, my junior year I learned about women. To begin, I had tried for a few girls- one girl in particular sort of set the scene drama wise for my year. She was a flag girl who had caught my eye, to make a long story short I invited her to a party I was throwing, and she wound out with my roommate. Well, I was pissed, but after a short while she turned out to be drama-as did the roommate in question (and I'm fairly certain I dodged a big ol' ball of STD's). This opened the door however for a girl who I would meet just before Halloween, a girl who I would date for the next 2 1/2 years, and live with for the next 3... The story is one I will never forget, nor I believe, her.
We met in the music building, as I was studying the anatomy of turtles and trying to memorize about 200 bones with sketches I had drawn up. She told me her favorite animal was the turtle, so I geeked out all the information about the shelled reptile I could think of. We eventually had pizza, and much to my chagrin, found out she had a boyfriend. Well, shortly after thanksgiving she broke up with her boyfriend, a guy who had been less than honorable to their relationship. I wish I could say that the next thing we did was start dating, but no, I spent the next 6 months of my life, pouring all my energy and money into trying to get her to see me and date me, and I was not the only one. It gets tiring, chasing someone who has sprung strong emotions in you, and it gets harder when you have to go over piles of men to get the girl's attention. We were friends, close yes, but I wanted more. After 6 months though, her birthday rolled around, and I wanted her to know that I was always going to be her friend, and that I recognized this was about all I would ever be. So I sent her on a scavenger hunt all around town (ending with a ride in a cop car). Well, she had never had such a good birthday and I was glad. A week later, I had a jazz concert at the local brewery, and after the concert, we had our first kiss. Summer rolled around, and we moved in together.
What I learned from all this year? Never give up no matter the odds and no matter the pains- you fight. Never fall for a girl who has a boyfriend already- the energy and heartache it all takes to try and get her can be a bit much, but hey, it's human.
Senior year-
Well, my girlfriend and I moved in to a new place with one of my best friends from highschool, and boy...that was interesting. I started my first official year as a music major, having realized that in my junior year all I could think about was music while in my Zoology classes-usually a good indicator you're in the wrong major.
Not much new academically-having to retake more than a few classes from when I was chasing my girlfriend and had, err... neglected my classwork we shall say.
I learned however, that you can't always get people to behave. Nor can you always get people to better themselves. I tried for a full year to get my roommate to go to school and work towards his degree (his whole point of moving to town in the first place), unfortunately I just watched him become more of an alcaholic and drugee. My girlfriend and him didn't get along, and so at the end of the year, I chose my girlfriend, not my highschool friend. Though, damage had been done to me and my girlfriend's relationship anyways.
I learned this year that people change, whether you want them to or not.
Super Senior year-
This was another whirlwind year, where I learned a lot of the music world academically, and successfully met one of my goals for college- I had a junior recital. We moved in with my girlfriend's sister. Now, I will say that her sister is a fine person to visit, but living with a person can change people a lot. The year was long, I had started working over 30 hours at my job at nights, while upping my courseload in an attempt to graduate. I learned my mental limits this year, as well as what it's like to not be able to help the person you care about the most. The relationship between my girlfriend and her sister deteriorated drastically over the year, and caused a rift to occur between me and my girlfriend.
I learned that timing is everything, and sometimes life forces you to choose the options available in your life at the time. I came to college to get a degree and better my life's opportunities.
Ultra Senior year-
My final year in college. Of course it was the year of the biggest change. That college freshman, afraid of the adult world, now having experienced it, was ready to move on. The lesson of the year was twofold: the first, change never stops. The second lesson: that I have emotions, and I don't always know it. The year had many ups- I had my senior recital, I began composing, retied some old friendships; however the year also had a great many downs-the largest being that I was in a failing relationship, and then, broken up from said relationship. It is never easy to deal with change, a little can be difficult, but throughout the whole year, every aspect of my life slowly changed. I started the year slightly depressed from the events of the last year, unsure what to do about any of it. As the year went on, me and my girlfriend realized we didn't have that emotional connection (though at the time we couldn't really figure out what was wrong, just that there was something wrong). After we broke up (right before winter break...woo...) I had too much anger to work out on my own, so I started going to counseling. I learned that anger and sadness were both reactionary emotions- that our bodies use them when they cannot tell what emotion they should be feeling, or what is causing tensions in our minds. I've always had anger problems, and always seemed stoic to most people (except when I'm trying to be funny), so it makes sense to me that my anger is from emotional ignorance. Over the second semester I drift through the end of my college existence just trying to graduate, no time to really mourn over my broken relationship, no time to really think about what brought it about on my end, no energy to do normal breakup things. And yes, I had to do all of this while still living with my ex, which was always a rollercoaster of sorts. I'm glad to say that at least we were (and still are) friends, and that I have learned much from the years we spent living together, lessons that I hope will make my future relationships more fulfilling and successful.
Now however, it's coming close to real life. One month before I move away from this town forever, and have to find a new job, new friends, a new life, new lessons, new loves, new losses, new experiences, new everything really. I'm anxious to see the world and everything that it has to show me, but I'm also depressed that I have to leave this college life at the same time. I came to love dozens of people and a way of life-poor, but happy. I don't know really what will happen in my future, I know it will be great, and I know that I will succeed in any venture I take. I also know that I will always remember the lessons I've learned from these six years, as well as the people. So much learned, so much left to learn. Here's to life, in all it's crazy twists.
