What is a man?

When did he go from Joseph to just Joe?

        It is an odd thing in our western societies to consider what it means to be a man.  Unlike more tribal or localized societies that have rights of passage (for both men and women), our first world societies have seemed to abandon, or blurred, the right of passage to nothing.  For instance, in certain African tribes it is the right of passage to kill a lion to be considered a man (at around the age of 14), though due to recent shortages of the animal the boys hunt in packs now, the tradition remains.  Here in America we try to consider that by the time you reach 21 or 18 you are an adult, though it is a blurry definition at best.  How many of you readers honestly felt a major difference from the time you were 15 to the time you were 20? I know the only difference that came to me was moving out on my own, but maturity wise I felt there was little difference.  I didn't honestly consider myself a "man" until roughly 24 years of age.
        Modern neuro-science has shown that both men and women's brains don't finish developing until their mid to late 20's.  I think in western society this is a key to when people actually begin to feel like adults.  No passage or trick to it, just a simple day when you wake up and realize some day you will die, and that there is more to life than there was yesterday.  But still, how is it in less developed societies they can make the jump a full decade earlier?  Is there something to killing a lion, going on a spiritual journey, or consuming the fumes of enlightenment?
        Before going into our western society and what I think creates a person's adult image, I will discuss why I think the rights of passage in less developed societies does make a difference.  First, think about the life expectancy in our first world.  My generation in America, particularly in the Northwestern region, has an average life expectancy of around 80 years.  Compare this to a country, such as the Republic of Congo, which is estimated at 50 years of age for those in the more developed areas- meaning those who still live within tribal establishments are not in consideration of these ideas.  That is nearly twice the life expectancy in the America.  It would make sense then, that a society would push their youth into adulthood prematurely, as we would conceive of it, because they don't have as much time to grow up and start a family.  Even look at America's history, in the 1800's our life expectancy was roughly the same.  And what was the average age of marriage? If you were a girl, your mid teens, and a man, your early 20s.  So by comparison, it can make sense that starting your family early would be of better benefit for society and yourself, because you could just as easily die within the week of a work related accident or hunting accident.
       Now here in America we think it's rather disturbing for people above the age of 18 to be attracted to people under the age of 18.  Biologically this is perfectly normal- after all women are most fertile in their teens, and men their most virile in the 20's, but as a society we have recognized our longevity in life and therefore have placed protection on the youth from older predators.  Why? Because younger women are often attracted to older men, and men know this, and many of them are willing to prey on the young and ignorant for their own ends.  It may be presumptuous to make this claim, but go to any bar in virtually any town, and you will see those grey haired horn dogs hitting on those cute 21 year old blondes- and to greater or lesser degrees succeeding.  So as we are able to grow older and wiser, we place more sanctity on our youth.  This is the beginning of why we lose our rights of passage- we hold onto our youth like there was no tomorrow.
       Next up look at how our capitalist society has flourished and removed ourselves as consumers from the products we consume.  Tribal societies usually only own what they themselves can make or gather.  We have factories where our products come from- from our computers to our goddamn meat and veggies.  Hunting is a sport in our society- it has no reason of existing aside from recreation.  So toss out that "kill your first buffalo" idea on becoming a man- there's meat a  plenty at the Soopermart.  So in the idea of abundance, we no longer are driven out of necessity to push our youth into adulthood to keep our society alive.

This guy is more man then you.

       So what about things like vision quests or pain endurance excersizes?  Well, because our society places so much importance on living to ripe old ages, we have tried to remove harmful chemicals from daily recreation.  From drugs that allowed you to hallucinate, to simple relaxation drugs, American (and most western societies) have removed these from legal use or vogue.  So things like marijuana and nicotine, while may be legal, are not considered to be good or deemed "proper" by society at large because of the long term affects these drugs cause.  The same principle applies to fasting and insominia- we want people to be healthy and old.
       Then what could be considered rights of passage on people in western society?  Since we are a capitalist society, we want to think that when you have your first job or large purchase it transcends you to adulthood.  Think about what your first few jobs were- probably nothing more glamorous than fastfood or cashier work.  I'm a college graduate in his mid 20's that still works these sort of bottom-of-the-barrel jobs because, well, that's what society thinks I am able to handle (which I disagree with, but c'est la vie).  When you encounter these youths at these jobs, you probably don't think, "There's a fine man/woman serving me." You probably have something closer to,  "Another pock marked kid slopping my burgers together, please don't add too much mayo." Then when they do add too much mayo, you ask for their manager and a person in their 30's or 40's comes walking out asking how they can make things right- and bam, there's that adult you were hoping would slop your burgers together from the start.  So we can strike "your first job" off the list of what transcends you into adulthood.

Notice: not an adult

       How about that first car you buy?  There is no denying that serious purchases help you become responsible, but responsibility is not the same and adulthood.  And on top of that, how many people had their first vehicle, but had help paying for their insurance or gas?  Other large purchases can be roped into this same category, but still, how many times have you cussed out a stupid teenage driver? So let us go ahead and strike "major purchases" off of the coming of age act list.
       Then we come to spreading your wings- that time when most people move out of their parents place after highschool.  For many of us this means going to vocational school or college, some of us just choose to move out and work.  To me this is as close to a real coming of age gesture as our society permits.  There is of course still a resentful tone from society in regarding people of this age.  We see the college student working day shifts at a library or bank, and we give them slack because, while they are entering the professional or responsible phase of life, they still are young to us.  But at some point within these years, that personally and by society, we are recognized as an adult.
       I honestly believe that the main contribution to this phenomena is that our brains and bodies develop to a point where you no longer get mistaken for that teen at Burger Joint you supervise.  Though, as a man, I must admit that there are several things I believe our society demands we have experienced before our personalities are confident enough to be called Man.

All man.

I've asked my friends about these experiences and have compiled what I believe to be the common points that push us along:

-Major Purchase (car, house, ...): Any man must understand how to work around large amounts of money to secure property as well as responsibility to provide for himself and others.

-Moving Out of their Parents' place and staying out: I'm not saying it's bad if your family has to help you out from time to time, but if you keep going back to your parent's house to live for years on end, that doesn't really show much growth or maturity.  Let's face it, nobody wants to be the guy living in his parents basement, especially after

-Losing your virginity: I whole heartedly believe you should only have sex once you are ready, which as men, usually comes at around 14.  There is a lot to be said about sex, about how you handle it, and knowing yourself in regards to this.  You can almost tell overnight if a guy  lost his v-card.  They have a tendency to loosen up and no longer place sex on a pedestal.  And once you've had it, you want it more, but you don't work as hard to get it anymore- you have more confidence in yourself, which I believe is key to being a man.

-A few relationships:  I don't care if they are long term or short, but learning how to deal with heartache and the bursting of emotions that lead up to it steel a man's resolve for a long time.  Done properly, you learn how to deal with complex emotions and grow from them; or more commonly how to bottle it up (which I do not advise under any circumstances).

-A fight or two:  I don't advise physical (or mental) abuse of any sort- but fights happen.  If you don't know how to take a hit, or what that pain is like, you are missing out on a fundamental human experience- physical pain.   Knowing what pain is helps you overcome the fear of such a thing.

- Live alone:  You must know who you are, and it's hard to do that until you spend most of your time by yourself for extended periods of time (meaning a year or two).  This isn't to say become a social outcast, but know what kind of person you are inside your domain.  This also gives you the opportunities to find out what you like to do in your free time and what kind of person you really are.

-Doing lots of stupid shit with your friends:  You need stupid stories, they make you more interesting and appealing to everyone.  Yes, when you're older you say, "I can't believe I did that and didn't get killed." That is exactly why you need to do stupid things every now and again, to remember you are mortal, and if you have kids, to make sure they can survive such stupidity.

There are also things in society I believe every man should know.  It seems silly because to define what a man is is a long endeavor, but these are things that kind of go without saying.

Example 1: NOT DIFFICULT TO DO

• Know how to throw a punch.  Someday you WILL have to defend someone or something you care a lot about.  Literally, knowing how to throw a punch can save your life some day, whether or not you succeed in winning the fight- it shows you have balls.
• Know how to drink.  Yes, I mean liquor and beer, and wine for that cultured benefit.  I'm not advertising that you should drink if you don't want to, but you should know how.  Much of the world still clings to drinking contests in lieue of fist fights.  Just engaging and not completely embarassing yourself shows you have brass.
• Know how to smoke-cigarettes, cigars, and pipes.  I don't advise smoking, but know how to do it.  For the same reason as the last two points.
• Know the basics of a car.  I'm not saying know everything about the guts of your motorized vehicle, but be able to point to a part in a car's hood and give its generic name if nothing else.  Sexist? A little, but get over it.
• Know how to spit.  Not kidding.  A guy who can't spit right is probably that same guy that doesn't know
• Pee standing up.  Squatters, while generally cleaner in concerns to toilets, get the shit beat out of them at any age.
• Know how to take a joke/insult and know how to dish them out.  Swapping jokes and insults is a common way men create heirachy- the better you are at it, the higher you will climb.
• Understand the basics of computers.  This follows the same logic as cars.  I'm not saying women don't/shouldn't know these things, but our society places a higher need for men to know this for some reason. Sexist again? Yes, deal with it.
• Understand the basics of common sports.  I'm not a huge sportsfan, but I can still follow  baseball, basketball, football, tennis, fencing, soccer, rugby, and bar sports.  So should you.
• Know a few knots.  Yes, we're in the 21st century and knots as a technology peaked in the 1800s, but it is still pivotal to know how to do at least 1 hitch knot, 1 slip knot, and at least a square knot.  Not to mention 
• Know how to tie a tie.  Yes, you should know to do this by the time you're interested in women.  No excuses.  Know at least how to do- Square know, Half-windsor, and full-windsor.  They're not hard, and women will be impressed (even though they expect it).
• Know how to dress appropriately.  You don't need to know the difference between an Italian stuffed three layer suit and a simple factory American style suite, but you should damn well know when you should be wearing a tuxedo (and whether it's a white or black tie affair), versus a less formal suite, or street clothes.  This leans into more than just social affairs, it also is important for job interviews and dates.
• Know the brown vs. black rule in dress clothes.  You can mix brown and black, but you have to know how.  Think of main color vs. trim.  If your shoes are black, so should all accessories- such as belts, bracelets/watches...  You can have a black vest if your suit jacket is brown, that's ok.  But if you aren't sure, just stick to simplicity.
• Own a pair of work boots.  You'll thank me.
• Know how to drive a manual transmission.  It's not hard, and as mentioned earlier, we still live in a biased society.
• Know how to shave. You're a guy, this should be practiced since you first entered high school- regardless of facial hair status.  I've known some guys who had their girlfriends shave them.  That is weak and pathetic, don't be that guy.
• Know how to do laundry/clean your house. 
• Know how to shake hands properly.  It isn't rocket science, but to say what's probably been beaten into you since you were five- "it should be firm, but not crushing, or limp."
• Know the basics of hunting.  Though I doubt you will ever be in a situation for long without a Piggly Wiggly around, if you do find yourself stranded, you have to eat.  Traps, firearms, knives, and the ability to actually kill an animal for sustaining yourself/others is something men should familiarize themselves with.

This guy exhibits everything I've said.

This is a longer post, but I actually combined two posts into one because I realized they fit together.  I'm not professing I am an expert on everything man.  Hell, I have a couple ex's who would probably laugh you out of the room if you called me a man.  But this is what I've observed as being the commonality of men in the western hemisphere.