Dreams

Have you ever really wanted to do something, like a job, even though you really didn't know a single thing about that subject? I kind of feel like that...because my dream job would be to be a professional composer for a movie or video game company. unfortunately though, I have never really composed anything of any girth. So really, I'm basically just trying to do a job I know nothing of. I just wonder if I'm super crazy in this dream? or if others feel that way...

Growth

I just finished washing an X-Files episode where a cow growth hormone was used to sabotage a village to benefit a cult of vegans. Well, the long and short is in 1994 this was considered cutting edge science fiction material. Today? Nearly common knowledge the stuff is poison. What gets even creepier-a few other episodes have come to an eerie fruition. I find it fascinating how fiction writers always create good works by taking current day society, adding a twist of what may become in the near future, and sprinkling a little of the supernatural to keep things interesting. And spare the supernatural, how damn close so many of them get. I mean it still blows my mind we have the human genome mapped, let alone blanked a stem cell, created an organic microchip, organic tv screens, as well as the internet. All of which are total science fiction.

anyways, back to my essay. just blew my mind a little.

Funny

Have you ever misread somebody and questioned their ability to work with you on any level based on first impressions? Who really hasn't... but I feel I gravely misinterpreted a person recently, because of his gruff manner over the phone (which, my manner probably comes of very much the same as his over the phone...) but when I met him in person, it quickly became apparent that he was far better than I was going to give him credit for. The long and short, was that he was very professional, on time, considerate of my time (and money for what it was worth) as well reasonable rates, considering how good he was. No he wasn't a hooker, he was a pianist. In any case, he works well with woodwinds, and I think I might just keep him around.

Let this remain a lesson to me to never follow through on my first impressions! (though truth be told, I usually don't, otherwise, I'd probably have no friends! just saying...the people you become such good friends with, usually are bizarre or annoying to start with...)

The Proverbial Wall

So today was a frustration-more unprofessionalism, but more importantly, while listening to my internet radio (which was set to orchestral movie soundtracks) I came to the important realization of how I only wish I could create such beautiful art. I also want to take the time here and now to wish I was John Williams so I could say I composed the Star Wars theme...but really, I am in awe of how prolific and amazing a lot of these composers are. I'm not just speaking directly at movie/videogame composers on that, but just composers in general. How do they do it!? It is so beyond my abilities right now to compose something as simple as a quartet song...let along something as grand as a full programmatic concerto or opera!
But I feel that before I despair that I remember one important fact-that at one point, the sound and abilities I am generating as a musician I believed to be out of my grasp. It is all a matter of learning, creating, seeing the patterns, recreating, and above all, be passionate about that drive. These geniuses that I listen to were once at the same stage I am! Will I ever create the next great thing? Who knows? But I do know that I will try to compose and create, because I hear music in me all the time, and only under trial by fire will I gain a full idea of how to get it outside of my head.
I wish everyone could be driven to complete their artistic visions in any venue (myself included) only because it would make this world so much more. Or maybe that is a pipe dream, and if it is, it's a good one.

Beer!

A post we can all relate too- having one of those weeks, where all the stress of the world is hitting you, and all you really want to deal with it is a nice, tall, frosty pint. Personally there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy a tall one and relax after a long day or week, especially a week like midterms. What is the best drink to just kick back with? For me, I would have to say a light beer or pumpkin ale. That's it, that's my deepest thought for today. I want a beer. Who's with me?

Nutter Butters

All the title means is that I am eating nutter butters right now. Mmmm.

Anyways, the theme of today seems to be "bullying." More specifically, the recent chain of suicides in homosexual males from cyber bullying. I have heard from enough people enough times today that Bullying of ANY sort is NOT acceptable. I absolutely agree with that. Now here is where I decide to say something that is more than common sense (in this case being "treat others the way you want to be treated"). Who are you to stop a bully? Are you bigger than them? Stronger? Smarter?

To do something as tragic as take your own life, that is serious. The Darwinist in me wishes to claim that by taking your own life due to social stigma is just merely the process of weeding out the weak within society. But that is all sorts of morbid, and the Humanist within me despises the thought. We all have the right to live, and the right to our "God given Freedoms." But when you begin to harass someone, those freedoms are threatened. Case-you have a right BY BIRTH to read, say, and write whatever you want (so this blog for example). If you agree with freedoms and the golden rule, if this blog offends you, logic dictates you will simply stop reading it.

However, there is an upsetting number of people (i.e., more that one) who would claim that this electronic publication of ideas be shut down and banned (hypothetically of course). Well, now you're impeding upon my freedom to do what I enjoy, and discuss, well, whatever I feel like. The reaction is now solely mine- do I submit, and let them take away my virtual voice? or do I fight for what is intellectually mine, and has, nor ever will be, forced to be read by ANYONE? Honestly I would stand and fight, but that is just my personality at play.

Now this may be cruel, but those people who committed suicide submitted to the wish of their bullies. I don't know what life they lived, I don't know them personally, and I never will. Do I agree with their reaction to the situation? as a personal belief, no I do not, as a realist, I can understand being persecuted for who you are by ignorant jerks who decide to instead of know you, label you, slander you, pick on you, ostracize you, and otherwise try to make you believe you are somehow not human. I truthfully, and honestly, feel for those who had lost all hope and vision of life, that they saw no more reason for it. I feel just as badly for those who would drive a person to such an abomination. Do they deserve punishment? In my opinion, absolutely. This does not mean death, I detest "eye for an eye" philosophy, but some just form of punishment should be administered. With that said, I apologize if any of this makes it sound like I am justifying their deaths or pain. We are a social species, so it is easy to jump on a bandwagon (this is also known as the riot or one mind effect) and jump to conclusion (we are driven by emotion as much as logic), so getting offended by words is an easy concept to grasp, as is flocking to a cause. Here is what I don't understand: we feel so sorry for these people now, but why was this not a major issue when they were being picked on? Who was there to rally to the cause of "Cyber bullying is dehumanizing perfectly wonderful people?" not this, "Cyber Bullying Kills" b.s. of today. I'm not pointing fingers and saying "Nobody that's who! and you're all terrible sinners who are going to Hell for letting such a tragedy slip by!" because I don't like to point the finger and as stated earlier, I didn't know these people, or who they were. They could just as easily turned everyone away in a self destructive bit, or ignored people.

But what I feel is that people have only a couple ways out of being bullied. The first is to somehow be bigger then them and put them in their place-if you are a skinny kid like me, that's not likely in a physical manner. There is also intelligence, emotion, and other human aspects that may be used in a destructive manner, but generally we think mental and physical. So becoming bigger than the bully can be difficult-especially when you already feel the world would rather you just slip through the cracks and into oblivion. This is where the second way out comes in- by us, those not under siege or strife, aid others when we see or know something is amiss. Is not our civic duty as humans to make sure that our society succeeds and progresses in the safest, most humane way possible? Wouldn't a proposed brotherhood of man (where oh where has that been said before...) be the best thing, if we could weed out the bullies by dewing their claws and silencing their bark, instead of letting them kill our people,and only then saying a few harsh words in reprimance?

So, in this age, where we no longer have to hunt and gather, freeze and starve, toil and break our backs, can we not let go of the old stigma that only the strongest and sexually virulent are to be empowered? How can we say that a person deserves a thrashing because they will never father a child? They could just as easily adopt and raise kids in a loving house; they could also invent the next step in human technological advancement if they so chose, if only with the right encouragement. The bottom line is everyone has just as much of a say in the progress and survival of the human species as the next person, whether they are White, gay, Asian, straight, transgendered, Jewish, blind, smart, dumb, athletic, artistic, christian, Muslim, Black, green eyed, albino, lisped, or whatever.

Realistically, most people can't handle a bully alone. So if someone seems down, smile at them and ask how they are doing, even if you don't know them. My day is always made when someone smiles at me, so why not return the favor? It is always difficult to do it to someone you don't know, but, I personally feel that kind of thinking is what causes people to lose hope and faith in life. Leave your comfort zone a little, give that loner kid at the table a wave! Even if he scoffs and makes a remark, he will remember it in his privacy as a positive. Trust me on that one, because I have been there, as I imagine most people have. And if you know someone is picking on someone else, for whatever reason, try to stop them. Because it only goes downhill.


This was a long one, but I felt I had to make up for my lack of purple in my ensemble today.

Simple

Today's blog is rather simple. Why do people have to behave unprofessionally/uncourteously? I mean, I've been waiting to hear back from a potential accompanist, and I have been given nada. Screw that. If you rely on playing for other people as your means of money, then do it. Don't be picky in a town like Pokey, it just doesn't work, because soon you've offended half your client base with just a bad rap.

Or with people flaunting the fact that they "know more than you." By that I mean, they can regurgitate crap for a test. Good for you, you can say words, but here's the kicker-so can dogs. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjpJib3dct0&feature=related ) So really, tell me something new or cool or original, or please shut your yapper. I don't care if you can hum all the Beethoven Symphony melodies, or tell me every bone in my body, all that tells me is you have no life, so you feel to impart knowledge I can just as easily access and memorize and regurgitate, and for no real reason other than you feel it is neccessary to tell someone. So be courteous, don't be a know it all.

Senses

Have you ever walked into a building and immediately been taken to a long distant memory? Has there ever been a smell or song that was just ethereal?
I'm in slc to watch la boheme, our group of nutty musicians,we just finished our dinners at some thai place (served a decent, albeit heavy green curry), and came to a german delicatessan for dessert, and I had to use the bathroom. Inside the bathroom was a tropic citrus smell I could only define as home like and memorable.i don't remember when I first smelt it, but it was before I was a teen. I just find it odd because tonight is most likely going to be one of those nights I remember from college.
It just prices how remarkable and scary the brain is.anyhow, it's almost curtains up, so I should go...

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Alright

So this weekend was supposed to be towards studying for my listening exam and midterm for history next week, but instead tonight I have a concert (which should be great!), and tomorrow I get to go see La Boheme in SLC, which I'm also pretty stoked for. I guess what the problem is, is that I should be studying, and instead I have legitamate reasons for going and doing fun things... rather bass-ackwards really.

Well, I'm in a tux, and need to eat something quickly to satiate my dizzyness. Here's to a good weekend!

Dear Professor

So yesterday's (thursday) rant was going to be about professors. It is funny that a lot of freshman assume that their professors are their to educate them-as they assumed their highschool teachers had. But the truth is that most of the professors I've ever had were not educators, and were really in the college setting just because they had no other choice. So it is rare when there is aprofessor who actually cares about their students- whether it be from just getting to know them, asking them how they are doing (in class or socially) or just making sure that their students succeed in life. Though, they are few and far between, they are typically the professors we all remember and try and get back in touch with 10 years down the line when we have advanced degrees....or something. I don't know really, I just want to say I appreciate what my professors do for me and how hard they work to secure a better education for me and my peers. That's about all i have for now.

Ack!

Midterms tonight, so a short post. Today's big ideas circled around the basis of-why do we do what we do? I think in terms of being a musician and a music major, and why I chose to do these things. Sure there's the more literal response that in 6th grade I was presented with an ultimatum of choir or band (my parents made it a no-argue choice), but my thoughts are more bent towards why was becoming a music major and allowing myself the experience and difficulty of trying to achieve this degree so compelling. I personally have had a lot of back and forth on why I still perform in large ensembles-it's true that I have always thought I was gaining little to nothing form being in them. How true this is I can only speculate, as I keep getting shifted into new positions within the ensembles (so learning new spots is still learning), but is it worth the time and effort? Back and forth this races through my head, and at the end of the day, of course it is worth playing in these ensembles. Not because we sound great, or that we make the world a better place, it has nothing to do with "we" or "they" it only has to do with "ME." I like to play my horn, even when it's music I'd rather not touch with a fourty foot pole, but I still enjoy the experience I get feeling the sound leave the bell and the keys vibrating in my fingers while the whole of my body becomes enveloped in the sound. That is why I do it, that is why I have stuck to music now for over a decade.

I realize there is a high population of people who wonder the same thing in all disciplines in life, at all stages in life, which is human. There are not enough people who question why they do the things they do in this world, because there are so many people who are downright miserable with their life. Some pain and suffering is unavoidable, but at the end of the day if someone asks you "Do you live a good, happy life?(or fulfilling...)" and you can't say, "Why yes, I actually do, even though there is some stuff that I'd rather not have" you probably havn't questioned your actions in a serious light. So meditate on where you are, why you are doing things, what brought you there, what is to keep you there, and over all, why you havn't given me money....ok maybe not that last one...but maybe so...

Brain Drain

Seeing as how it is now halfway, through the midterm week, it seems appropriate for there to be a time of reflection on exactly where I've been, and how much longer I have. This is all related to college mind you...and I still have 1 3/4 years until I graduate. This isn't too long that I can't bear it, but after that is grad school and then, life. Am I prepared for life yet? no, so thank god I have 3 1/2 years before it slaps me in the face like a trout (see twitter).

Then there is to consider that this is in fact my fifth year of college, and I will graduate my sixth...advantage? I was able to sift through my growing years and come into a set idea of what a great career would be, and it was not what I began with. Disadvantage? well, to begin I will get my bachelors degree in 6 years, and that's with student loans to pay off. Plus I will still have 2 years of grad school.

For those of you who don't know- I wish to become a music librarian, which requires at the least an B.S. in music and an M.L.S/M.I.T.S (masters of library science/information technology science). At the most I could get a MMLS (same as above, just with music specifically), tagged with a Masters in Musicology (which is only a couple more classes if you actually look, but it does add another semester...). Then comes the true struggle of finding a job-but that is a stress I can postpone for a couple years.

If you are wondering, "Why dear god, Trevor, are you going into such a boring profession!?" Well, to put it simply, it is a good day job. Statistically it has a high satisfaction rate amongst professionals, it is stimulating on a daily basis, but nobody will die if I do something wrong. Plus I get to work in music all day! And at night and evening and weekends? I GET A LIFE!! plus the pay is decent enough to have a family on, which is also good for me!

Mind you, I like to think of my career as a day job, and leave me plenty of time to write the great American novel, or compose some brilliant music (ya, i'm sure it will be stellar...) but hell, it's my free time to enjoy all these skills I am learning or have learned.

That's my rant for this evening. Go, get poptarts now. Or hamsters, whichever floats your boat.

Trying this again

So basically i created this this blog and never used it. so lets see fi i can give it another go.

Today i realized something while i was doing pickup in the library. I caught my image reflected in one of the tinted windows by the history area, and to my great disturbance i realized i no longer look like that highschool kid. It just perturbed me because i have always thought of myself as that tall dorky guy with long hair and acne problems. But when I looked into the reflection I saw me as I am now-a tall, slight filled out man (still tall and dorky, but not un-handsome) with a five-o'clock goatee shadow.

Really, other than that, all i can honestly say is today blew donkey balls, as it was a monday, and it's midterms. Oh how I wish I already had my masters degree and a job...