Ack!

Midterms tonight, so a short post. Today's big ideas circled around the basis of-why do we do what we do? I think in terms of being a musician and a music major, and why I chose to do these things. Sure there's the more literal response that in 6th grade I was presented with an ultimatum of choir or band (my parents made it a no-argue choice), but my thoughts are more bent towards why was becoming a music major and allowing myself the experience and difficulty of trying to achieve this degree so compelling. I personally have had a lot of back and forth on why I still perform in large ensembles-it's true that I have always thought I was gaining little to nothing form being in them. How true this is I can only speculate, as I keep getting shifted into new positions within the ensembles (so learning new spots is still learning), but is it worth the time and effort? Back and forth this races through my head, and at the end of the day, of course it is worth playing in these ensembles. Not because we sound great, or that we make the world a better place, it has nothing to do with "we" or "they" it only has to do with "ME." I like to play my horn, even when it's music I'd rather not touch with a fourty foot pole, but I still enjoy the experience I get feeling the sound leave the bell and the keys vibrating in my fingers while the whole of my body becomes enveloped in the sound. That is why I do it, that is why I have stuck to music now for over a decade.

I realize there is a high population of people who wonder the same thing in all disciplines in life, at all stages in life, which is human. There are not enough people who question why they do the things they do in this world, because there are so many people who are downright miserable with their life. Some pain and suffering is unavoidable, but at the end of the day if someone asks you "Do you live a good, happy life?(or fulfilling...)" and you can't say, "Why yes, I actually do, even though there is some stuff that I'd rather not have" you probably havn't questioned your actions in a serious light. So meditate on where you are, why you are doing things, what brought you there, what is to keep you there, and over all, why you havn't given me money....ok maybe not that last one...but maybe so...